She Lost It
Welcome to She Lost It, the podcast for anyone ready to let go of what’s been weighing them down and step into a life they truly love. I’m Stefani—an accidental health coach, entrepreneur, mom, and someone who knows what it’s like to lose it all, start over, and come out stronger.
In this first episode, I’m sharing my story—the raw, real, and sometimes messy truth about how I went from drowning in anxiety, debt, food addiction, and people-pleasing to finally taking control of my life. But this podcast isn’t just about my journey—it’s about yours.
Each episode, I’ll share practical tips to help you break free from the patterns holding you back, whether it’s your mindset, your habits, or the stories you’ve been telling yourself. We’ll talk about what it takes to build grit, find your voice, and create a life that feels truly authentic.
Think of this as a conversation between friends—the kind where you leave feeling lighter, inspired, and ready to take action. So if you’re ready to lose what’s been keeping you stuck and gain a whole new perspective, hit play. Let’s do this together.
She Lost It
Unpacking My Mother's Prison Diary: The Journal, Ep.1
What happens when you finally open the box you've been dragging for 19 years? That's exactly what I explore in this deeply personal episode as I reveal a family secret I've held close for decades—my mother's prison journal.
When I was just eleven years old, my world changed forever as my mother was sentenced to federal prison for embezzling money from a Birmingham coal company. That day in the courtroom remains crystal clear: the judge's bench, the discussion about shackling, the crushing weight of confusion and fear. Weekend drives to see her at Marianna Federal Prison. The smell of popcorn in the visiting room. The crocheted bears she mailed home. And beneath it all, the suffocating silence of shame I carried, terrified my private Christian school friends would discover my family's dark truth.
For nearly two decades since her passing, I've carried her prison writings from apartment to apartment, city to city—a manila folder filled with loose-leaf pages of her raw, honest reflections. Something recently shifted, compelling me to finally peel back these layers of generational trauma. I'm only three days into transcribing her words and already it's both wrecking and healing me simultaneously. Her humor, faith, and humanity shine through experiences ranging from cafeteria shoes pulled from trash cans to spiritual breakthroughs beside prison bunk beds.
This mini-series isn't about drama or backstory—it's about breaking cycles of silence and shame that perhaps you recognize in your own life. Maybe you're carrying your own version of boxed-up trauma, thinking if you just keep moving, you'll never have to open it. But those unopened chapters wait for us, and I'm discovering they don't always destroy us—sometimes they set us free. Join me page by page, truth by truth, as we explore how family secrets shape us and how confronting them might be our path to healing. If you're holding something heavy, perhaps this is your sign to open it too.
Welcome to the she Lost it podcast. I'm Stefani, and this is a space for you to lose what's been holding you back. Talk about real growth, find courage and step into the life you were meant for. Okay, friend, welcome back to the she Lost it podcast. So I took a week off because I've been really having to process this episode and decide if this is what I was really ready to start sharing over the next several weeks. So here we are and here we go. Okay, have you ever had a family secret, or maybe several, and it took you years to unpack, like something everyone kind of knew about but no one really talked about it, and maybe you didn't even understand how much that shaped you until way later in life. Well, same here, Me too. And that's exactly what these next few episodes are going to be about, because I found something, something I've had for years boxed up, ignored, dragged from house to house like emotional baggage. I just wasn't ready to check. It's my mother's prison journal. Yep, that's right, I said it my mother's prison journal. And now I'm ready to open it with you on this podcast. I actually remember her talking about how she had kept this journal and one day she was going to turn it into a book and all of her other life experiences, and she was going to call it Move Over Job. I'm Coming Through. Well, here you go, mom. This one's for you.
Stefani Scotch:So this journal has followed me from apartment to apartment, city to city, house to house. I remember finding it for the very first time right after my mother passed away. We were packing up all of her things and this is the one piece of her that has followed me around ever since then. It's been 19 years since she passed away and somehow this one folder, this manila folder with little white, loose leaf papers, this little piece of her, it has kept showing up, waiting, daring me to open it. And I never have. I didn't even remember I had it until recently. It was tucked away in a box next to her old metal lockbox. You remember the kind from Office Depot with the broken combo lock. Well, inside of that were her expired passports, a few pieces of costume jewelry and a handwritten letter from my biological father on someone else's borrowed stationery. But right there, next to that old metal lockbox, was this journal staring at me again her prison journal.
Stefani Scotch:So my mother went to federal prison when I was 11 years old. She made a mistake. She embezzled money from a well-known coal company here in Birmingham. She took full accountability. The man she was married to at the time was actually the one who pulled all the strings. But she still went away to prison first and actually is the only one of the two that ever went to prison.
Stefani Scotch:And I remember that time in my life being very blurry, but also very vivid. So I remember the day she came downstairs to my bedroom and told me she had made a mistake and we were going to have to use my modeling money the money I had saved for college to pay for her attorneys. I remember feeling scared and so confused, but not as much for me, for her, and although I I was only 11. I didn't really understand everything that was going on, but there had to have been a pretty deep fear in me for myself. And that kind of fear it doesn't stay in one place, it spreads and it also carves really, really deep.
Stefani Scotch:I also remember being in the courtroom when she was sentenced. I can see the walls of the courtroom. I can see it like it was yesterday. I can see who was there, I can see the chairs, I can see the judge. I remember them talking about is she going to be shackled when she leaves? It's a lot for an 11-year-old girl. I remember the drives to Dothan Alabama, the very long drives on the weekend to Dothan Alabama to be closer to her to when we visited the prison. She was at Mariana Federal Prison in Mariana, florida. I remember the smell of the popcorn in that visiting room. I remember the crocheted bears that she handmade and mailed to me.
Stefani Scotch:I also remember the silence I carried, the hyper-independence I developed, the shame I tucked deep in my chest, hoping no one at my private Christian school would ever find out Because if they did would I be kicked out, would I lose my friends. I just wasn't sure I didn't want to open that journal for years. Just wasn't sure I didn't want to open that journal. For years I couldn't. It was too painful, too scary, too much. But recently something shifted. I stared at that journal for weeks and I finally opened it and then I started typing it word for word. I'm only on day three and it's already wrecking me and healing me at the same time. Her handwriting, her humor, her honesty, her faith, it's all there. It's all surreal. She was trying to survive and somehow she found a way to hold on, to hope.
Stefani Scotch:Now, listen, I am not going to be sharing this for the drama or the backstory. I'm sharing this because I know I am not the only one. Maybe you didn't have a parent in prison, or maybe you did. Maybe you've been carrying your version of silence, of shame, of we just don't talk about that story. Maybe you grew up too fast. Maybe you've spent years wondering where your patterns came from. Maybe you've been walking around with boxed up trauma, thinking if you just keep moving you'll never have to open it. But those unopened chapters, they wait for you and I'm here to tell you they might not destroy you. They might just set you free.
Stefani Scotch:This isn't just about her story anymore. It's going to be about mine, about what I've carried, what I've buried and what I'm finally ready to let rise. I've wondered if my struggles with food, addiction, control, codependency, people pleasing, I would just wonder do they all trace back to this part of my life, this chapter that I've never really been brave enough to look at? And now I'm going to peel back the layers and I'm going to let that 11-year-old little girl sit down and finally listen to what her mom had to say. So this little mini-series is going to be for anyone carrying silent stories, for the daughters who loved fiercely but lost young, for the ones who never felt like they got the full truth, for the ones breaking generational patterns and reclaiming their own healing. We're going to do this together, page by page, truth by truth, and I told you from the beginning of this podcast I was going to be transparent, raw and honest. Well, now it's time to go even deeper. So, yes, this is going to be my mother's story and mine, but it is also a generational story about shame, survival, silence, finding purpose even in the pain.
Stefani Scotch:And heads up this journal. It's going to include everything from cafeteria shoes being pulled out of the trash can to pap smears at intake, to full-blown spiritual breakthroughs next to a bunk bed. And that's only on day three. Y'all, it's real, it's messy and it's human. So if you're here for surface level inspiration, this might not be your season, but if you are ready to get real, then welcome in.
Stefani Scotch:So I'll be back next episode with more from this journal, her words, my reflections and the messy middle where healing lives. So stay tuned, because the truth she may have written it, but now I'm living it and together we're going to uncover it. So if this episode has moved you, I would love for you to share it with someone else who maybe is holding something super heavy. Or let me know if you're sharing, you're holding something super heavy and if you've got your own journal literal or emotional that you've been avoiding maybe, just maybe, this is your sign to open it. Okay, friend, thanks for being here. Thank you so much for listening. Thank you for holding space for me and thank you for showing up for you. I love you, I'm here for you and remember, if no one has told you today, I believe in you. See you next time.
