She Lost It
Welcome to She Lost It, the podcast for anyone ready to let go of what’s been weighing them down and step into a life they truly love. I’m Stefani—an accidental health coach, entrepreneur, mom, and someone who knows what it’s like to lose it all, start over, and come out stronger.
In this first episode, I’m sharing my story—the raw, real, and sometimes messy truth about how I went from drowning in anxiety, debt, food addiction, and people-pleasing to finally taking control of my life. But this podcast isn’t just about my journey—it’s about yours.
Each episode, I’ll share practical tips to help you break free from the patterns holding you back, whether it’s your mindset, your habits, or the stories you’ve been telling yourself. We’ll talk about what it takes to build grit, find your voice, and create a life that feels truly authentic.
Think of this as a conversation between friends—the kind where you leave feeling lighter, inspired, and ready to take action. So if you’re ready to lose what’s been keeping you stuck and gain a whole new perspective, hit play. Let’s do this together.
She Lost It
Confessions of a Chronic People-Pleaser: The Exhausting Art of Shapeshifting
The constant pressure to adjust who we are for the comfort of others is a silent drain on our authenticity and energy. In this raw and vulnerable episode, I take you on a deeply personal journey through my own pattern of shapeshifting – that exhausting habit of becoming whoever the room needs me to be.
This pattern didn't emerge in adulthood. It took root in my childhood as an only child in a sometimes chaotic home, where I learned to read rooms, anticipate needs, and make myself smaller for survival. What looked like maturity was actually a sophisticated performance that would take me 42 years to recognize. The wake-up call came unexpectedly through a simple photo of calm waters taken on a cruise ship balcony – a rare moment when I wasn't performing for anyone, just existing as myself.
When we stop shapeshifting and honor our true nature, everything changes. I discovered that needing alone time doesn't make me antisocial, and craving space doesn't mean I don't value connection. Two seemingly contradictory truths can coexist within us. The real transformation happens when we stop apologizing for our authentic needs and recognize that we don't need to earn stillness or explain our existence. You don't need to shrink to belong. You don't need to perform to be safe. You already belong to yourself.
What version of stillness brings you back home to yourself? Where are you still shapeshifting in your life? What parts of you are you muting? This isn't about reinventing your life overnight – it's about honesty. If you've ever felt like the version of you that received the most praise wasn't the real you, you're not alone. Share this message with someone who needs to hear it. We need more people showing up as they truly are, not as watered-down versions designed to keep others comfortable.
Welcome to the she Lost it podcast. I'm Stefani, and this is a space for you to lose what's been holding you back. Talk about real growth, find courage and step into the life you were meant for. Okay, friend, welcome back to the she Lost it podcast. So today we are going to get a little personal. Imagine that, okay, this episode isn't going to be about habits. It's going to be about identity. We are talking about the pattern of shape shifting, that subtle, exhausting thing that so many of us do without even realizing it. So if you've ever walked into a room and immediately adjusted who you were to be easier, more liked, less, too much then this episode is for you and for me.
Stefani:This didn't start in adulthood. It actually started when I was a kid. I was an only child. I grew up in the home of an amazing woman, single mom. I do have phenomenal half siblings, but we didn't grow up together, so it was just me and my mom. And when you are the only child in a house that sometimes feels unsteady or chaotic, you grow up pretty fast. You know and you learn how to perform, how to anticipate, how to shape shift, just to keep the peace.
Stefani:So today I want to take you back through how this started for me, what woke me up to it and what it actually looks like to live without the pressure of performance. So let's get right into it. So there was a photo that woke me up. Okay, this realization didn't come to me in some dramatic breakthrough. It came from a photo I was flipping through old pictures on my phone, just clearing stuff out, deleting screenshots, and I stopped on one that I vividly remember taking. It was nothing fancy. I was sitting alone outside on the balcony of a cruise ship. It was just a photo of the water, no big event, no one else around, just me sitting by that quiet body of water, still calm, no filters, no noise. And instantly I felt it in my chest because I remembered how I felt in that moment taking that picture. I was present, I was at peace, I wasn't proving anything, I wasn't shrinking. It was just me taking a picture of water by myself. That moment. It didn't ask me to perform, it didn't require a smile or a caption or a version of myself. That wasn't me. It was just my moment. And it reminded me you don't have to earn stillness and you don't have to explain your own needs and personality to anybody else. You don't have to earn being you, which brings me to something deeper, and I've never said it out loud like this before. But let's just be honest.
Stefani:Like I said earlier, this didn't start with adulthood. This feeling of performing didn't start as an adult. It started when I was a kid and growing up in a home that felt chaotic or uncertain or sometimes emotionally heavy. You tend to grow up pretty fast. You learn how to sense the energy in a room before anyone says a word. You learn how to stay small, helpful, agreeable, quiet, because that feels safer than being real. And for me, I became the emotional caretaker before I even knew what that meant. It wasn't something anyone asked me to do, it just happened. I began picking up on people's moods and I adjusted. I softened my voice. I learned very early on that being easy got me praise. You're so mature, you're so thoughtful, you're so helpful. And here's the thing that wasn't maturity, that was just performance.
Stefani:It took me years to realize I wasn't being authentic Years Like 42. 42 years I was being whoever the moment needed me to be. It was survival, and if you relate to that, if you've ever felt like the version of you that got the most applause wasn't the real you. You're not alone. So let's talk about what happens when you finally stop shape-shifting and you start reclaiming who you are and your space. So here's the moment that changed things for me when I was reclaiming who I was, I started paying attention, I started noticing what actually filled me up, what grounded me, what helped me breathe again. And it surprised me because I realized I'm not actually antisocial and I'm really not flaky and I'm not distant. I am someone who deeply values connection but also deeply needs space. And two things can be true at once. I need silence, I need time to think, I need to walk away from the noise in order to return with clarity and love. And I stopped apologizing for it because for so long I was made to feel like that was weird. It was weird to want to be alone. It was weird to need space. But here's what I know now you can love people really hard and still crave time alone. You can be the life of the party one night and need a full day of silence after you are allowed to be both.
Stefani:When I stopped shapeshifting and started honoring my wiring, something wild happened. Guess what. I stopped resenting people for asking me to be what I'm not, because I finally gave myself permission not to, which brings me to the part that I really want you to hear. So that photo of me by the water alone, that wasn't just a moment, that was a message alone. That wasn't just a moment, that was a message. It reminded me that everyone has a version of stillness that brings them back home. Maybe it's not water for you, maybe it's journaling in your car before picking up your kids, maybe it's hiking, maybe it's early mornings with no one around, maybe it's music or silence or movement. Whatever it is, make no apologies for it and go find it, Because when you find that place where you can just be you no performing, no pleasing, no explaining you start remembering who you were before the world told you to be someone else.
Stefani:So let's pause here and get real. Ask yourself where are you still shape-shifting in your life? I have to still ask myself that every day. What part of you are you still muting? And what's one small, non-negotiable thing that brings you back to yourself? Look, this is not about reinventing your life overnight. This is just about being honest. Honest with what you need, honest with what you've been pretending not to need. You don't need to shrink to belong. You don't need to perform to be safe. You already belong to yourself. So if this hits home today, I want you to share it. Send it to someone who's been stuck in performance mode too. Save it to your phone. Download it so you can hear it again, because we need more people showing up as who they really are, not the edited, watered-down version to keep other people happy. You are not too much. You are not broken. You're just becoming who you were always meant to be. So thanks for being here and remember, if no one has told you today, I believe in you. See you next time.
