She Lost It
Welcome to She Lost It, the podcast for anyone ready to let go of what’s been weighing them down and step into a life they truly love. I’m Stefani—an accidental health coach, entrepreneur, mom, and someone who knows what it’s like to lose it all, start over, and come out stronger.
In this first episode, I’m sharing my story—the raw, real, and sometimes messy truth about how I went from drowning in anxiety, debt, food addiction, and people-pleasing to finally taking control of my life. But this podcast isn’t just about my journey—it’s about yours.
Each episode, I’ll share practical tips to help you break free from the patterns holding you back, whether it’s your mindset, your habits, or the stories you’ve been telling yourself. We’ll talk about what it takes to build grit, find your voice, and create a life that feels truly authentic.
Think of this as a conversation between friends—the kind where you leave feeling lighter, inspired, and ready to take action. So if you’re ready to lose what’s been keeping you stuck and gain a whole new perspective, hit play. Let’s do this together.
She Lost It
Our Bodies Keep the Score: The Trauma Survivors Hypersensitive Startle Reflexes
Have you ever reacted so intensely to someone sneaking up behind you that people laughed or told you to "calm down"? That hypersensitive startle reflex isn't an overreaction—it's your body's trauma response working exactly as designed.
Drawing from personal experience, I dive deep into why certain "harmless pranks" can trigger full-blown nervous system meltdowns for people with trauma histories. When someone with PTSD jumps at a small noise or unexpected touch, their body isn't just being jumpy—it's reliving past danger. The science is clear: trauma doesn't just live in our memories; it's encoded in our physiology, creating a hypervigilant state that keeps us constantly scanning for threats.
What most people don't see is the aftermath—the racing heart that won't slow down, the tightness in the chest, the shaking hands, and the hours it takes to truly recover from what others dismiss as "just a joke." I share five practical, science-backed techniques to help regulate your nervous system after being triggered, from intentional breathing patterns to grounding exercises that bring you back to the present moment. For those who love someone with trauma, simple adjustments like announcing yourself before entering a room can make a world of difference in helping them feel safe.
This episode goes beyond just understanding reactions—it's about creating environments where healing can happen. Because respecting someone's trauma responses isn't about being overly sensitive; it's about basic human kindness and valuing their healing journey more than a momentary laugh. Share this with someone who needs to hear it, and remember: your reactions aren't wrong—they're your body trying to keep you safe.
Welcome to the she Lost it podcast. I'm Stefani, and this is a space for you to lose what's been holding you back. Talk about real growth, find courage and step into the life you were meant for. Welcome back to she Lost it. All right, let's talk about something that doesn't get nearly enough attention. And, coming from someone with enough trauma to qualify for a lifetime carnival pass, I promise you this is something you need to hear. First, let me ask you this Maybe you've been here.
Stefani Scotch:You're in your zone, minding your own business, washing dishes, walking into a room, when suddenly someone sneaks up behind you. Maybe they say nothing at all, or maybe they let out a loud boom. Either way, before you can even process what's happening, your body goes into full-on fight mode. Your heart slams against your ribs, your fists are practically in the air and for a split second, it feels like an out-of-body experience. This, this, is a hypersensitive startle reflex, and if you have it, you know how frustrating it is, not just for you, but for the people around you, who don't get why you react the way you do. Because, here's the thing even though we logically know we're not in danger, our trauma-trained bodies haven't gotten the memo. We live in a hyper-vigilant state. We are constantly scanning for threats, whether we realize it or not, and that's why startling someone with a trauma history isn't just fun or no big deal. It's a body wide panic attack wrapped in a joke that isn't really that funny. I can't tell you how many times I have been the butt of that joke. Someone sneaks up behind me. I jump, they laugh oh, come on, I was just joking. For people with PTSD, anxiety or a history of trauma, that joke isn't a harmless scare. It is a full-blown nervous system meltdown and it can take hours to come down from. I know this all too well because it's happened to me so many times.
Stefani Scotch:I've been just going about my day when, bam, someone pounds on the door. Not just a normal knock, a loud, unexpected pounding. Instantly my body locks up, my heart slams into my chest. It's hammering so fast. I can hear it in my ears. I can't breathe, and in that moment my brain doesn't pause to assess the situation. It just catapults me straight back to the danger I was in when I was 11, when an intruder was breaking into my home. It doesn't matter that I'm safe now, my body doesn't care. My hands are still shaking, my chest is still tight, I want to cry and for the rest of the day I feel off, like I'm stuck in this wired but exhausted state, and that's what people don't understand.
Stefani Scotch:Trauma doesn't live in the past, it lives in the body. Our bodies keep the score. So let's break down the science behind why this happens. Our brains, they have a built-in alarm system and for those of us with trauma, that built-in alarm system is extra sensitive. When you've been through something scary or painful or highly unpredictable, your brain starts expecting danger everywhere. That's why something as small as a loud noise or someone sneaking up behind you triggers that immediate fight or flight response. Your body doesn't stop to check to see if it's a prank. It just reacts instantly. And for people with PTSD that reaction, it doesn't just fade after a second. It can take minutes and hours for our nervous system to fully settle and listen.
Stefani Scotch:I'm not talking about going to haunted houses or scary movies. Those are controlled environments that, honestly, I do not put myself in no way. I'm talking about things that happen in everyday life. It's a partner slamming a door too hard, a co-worker sneaking up behind you, a friend who thinks it's just absolutely hilarious to scare you because your reaction is so funny. Let me be clear If someone you love has told you that being startled triggers them, then but you keep doing it anyway. You're not just playing around, you're ignoring their boundaries, and if you truly care about them, that's something you need to stop, because what you don't see is what happens after. How it makes us want to shut down. How the whole day can feel off because of that one moment that sent us spiraling. How it can make us feel stupid and dramatic for reacting the way we did, because, trust me, we already feel crazy enough For me. It's made me hyper aware of my surroundings. I do not like people coming up behind me unexpectedly. I do not like loud, sudden noises that make my heart race. And even though I have done a ton of work to regulate my nervous system, these responses are deeply ingrained, and I know I'm not the only one. So what do you do when it does happen, when your body goes into that full panic mode?
Stefani Scotch:Here are some practical ways to help your nervous system calm down that have helped me. Number one breathe intentionally. Your breath tells your nervous system whether you're safe or not. So try inhaling for four seconds, holding it for four, then exhaling for six. The slow exhale helps signal calm. Number two ground yourself, engage your senses to pull yourself back into the present moment. I love naming five things I can see or four things I can touch, three things I can hear, two things I can smell and one thing I can taste.
Stefani Scotch:Number three shake it off. Literally, animals shake after a stressful event right To reset their nervous system. So you do it too. Stand up, shake out your arms, legs, shoulders. It helps release the built up adrenaline. Number four use pressure or movement. Press your feet into the floor or hold something heavy or get up and walk around. Small movements will tell your body that it is okay to relax. And number five reassure yourself. Try putting a hand on your chest and just saying I'm okay, I'm safe. That was just a startle. I know it sounds simple, but self-reassurance rewires your brain's response, which is actually really cool.
Stefani Scotch:And for the people who think this is just funny, and if you're not the one dealing with this, but you love someone who is, please just be mindful. Announce yourself before entering a room and avoid sneaking up on them. Just respect their space. It's such a small adjustment but it makes a huge difference. We just want to feel safe, and if they've told you not to startle them, please listen, because here's what's really at stake. It's not about whether you find it funny. It's about whether you value their healing more than the joke, and that might be kind of hard to hear.
Stefani Scotch:At the end of the day, this is about basic human kindness. You never know what someone has been through, and a little mindfulness can go a very long way. So let's stop making jokes out of people's trauma responses and let's start creating spaces where people feel safe. That's all I've got for today. If this hits home, I'd love to hear from you, so shoot me a message, share this with someone who needs to hear it, and let's keep having these real conversations. Make sure to hit that follow and subscribe button so you don't miss what's next. And until next time, take care of yourselves and take care of each other, and if no one has told you today, I believe in you. See you next time.
