Welcome to the She Lost It Podcast. I'm Stephanie, and this is a space for you to lose what's been holding you back, talk about real growth, find courage, and step into the life you were meant for. Okay, friend, welcome back to the She Lost It Podcast. Before we dive in, I want us to all take a deep breath because a lot has happened since we were together last. And honestly, it stirred up so many topics in my brain that we must be talking about and that must be brought into the light. We are clearly in a spiritual war of darkness versus light. And yes, light always wins. But now more than ever, it is evident that we cannot shy away from using our voices to speak truth, no matter the cost. Silence is where bad things happen. So we must continue to speak. I'll be talking more about that in the coming episodes and also sharing more from my mom's journal because I know that is impacting so many of you. I have heard from so many of you reaching out to me, telling me the different ways it is impacting you, and it means the world to me. So just hang with me because I do have a lot to say about that. But for some reason, this particular topic has been pulling at me for weeks, and it actually came out of a conversation with a friend. We were talking about this trend we see over and over again, no matter the age, the gender, the background, and it hit me. One of the biggest problems in growth is something called learned helplessness, and it is an epidemic. I couldn't put my finger on what to call it until my friend named it. And when she said the words, I was like, yes, that's it. And here's the thing: no one is immune to it. It shows up everywhere. And if we don't stop it within ourselves, we'll pass it down to our kids too. So grab your coffee because we are about to have a real conversation. Like we're sitting across the table, no fluff, no sugar coating, just truth. So I want to talk to you about something that is keeping too many people stuck. And maybe it's you. Not because you're broken, not because you're lazy, but because maybe you've been conditioned into it. And it's called learned helplessness. Now, maybe you've never heard the term before, or maybe you're thinking that is not me. But hang with me because learned helplessness is very sneaky. It shows up in your health, your job, your relationships, even in how you ask for help. And honestly, I believe it might be the one thing that could be holding you back right now. So today, let's break it down. What it is, why it happens, how it shows up in real life, and most importantly, how to break free from it. And I'll share a couple of stories that honestly shifted it all for me. So let's dig right in. So learned helplessness, what is it? Well, it's exactly what it sounds like. You learn to feel and act helpless. Psychologists figured this out decades ago with an experiment on dogs. Some dogs were shocked. They were being shocked. They had no way to stop it. And eventually they just laid there and accepted it. Then later, when the researchers opened the gate to let the dogs escape, I mean, the escape was right there. All they had to do was walk through. They didn't even move. They could have walked right out, but they didn't, because they had been conditioned to believe that nothing they did mattered, and they just couldn't move. So you know what? The same thing happens with humans. You've tried diet after diet and failed. And you've stopped believing that any diet plan could work. You've been in one toxic relationship after another. So you stop believing love is safe. You've applied for job after job after job, and you keep hearing no after no after no. So you just stop putting yourself out there altogether. That is learned helplessness. It's not that you're incapable, it's that your brain has been trained to think that your effort is pointless. And once you see it for what it is, the next question should be how in the world do we even fall into this trap in the first place? And then how the heck do we get out of it? So let's start with why we fall into it. Our brains are survival machines. They look for patterns. If life keeps handing you failure, rejection, or pain, your brain says, okay, well, the safest move is to just stop trying altogether. And if you have a trauma in your life, which let's be honest, we all do, that makes it even worse. And the voices of society may be calling you lazy or unmotivated or not enough, it just becomes your identity. And sometimes it's not one big thing, it's the little daily setbacks, being overlooked, hearing no too many times, struggling quietly year after year, and over time, you just stop fighting. That's why I call it an epidemic, because it's everywhere, hidden and normalized. But here's where it gets even trickier because learned helplessness doesn't just affect how you see yourself. It starts to change how you expect other people to show up for you too. This is the big one. The figure out ability factor. Do you have it? Okay, I hope you do, because here's another angle people don't talk about. Learned helplessness can make you expect other people to figure things out for you. You outsource your responsibility. You wait for someone to just hand you the answers. One of the greatest gifts of my childhood, which was not easy by any means, is that nobody spoon fed me solutions. Nobody was calling me every morning to make sure I was awake. Nobody bailed me out of every mistake. I had to figure things out on my own. And as much as that hurt sometimes, it built something in me that I call figure out ability. Think about when you learned to ride a bike. Someone put you on that bike and basically said, figure it out. And you know what happened? You fell. Probably more than once, but you got back up and you kept going, and eventually you figured it out. That is the muscle of growth. So stop quitting too soon. But I also see this in grown adults every day who still want to be rescued. Here's a story. Someone on my team once asked me to call her before an 8 a.m. phone call to make sure she was awake. The old me, the people pleaser, the savior would have said, yes, absolutely, and enabled her. But the new me, the one that's grown, I said, absolutely not. You can set your own alarm. Because here is the truth. Every time we enable someone's helplessness, we keep them stuck. And that's not love, that's enabling. So let me ask you, are you the one living in learned helplessness or are you the one enabling it? Or maybe you're both. And if you're wondering, okay, but what does that really look like day to day? I'm gonna spell it out in a few ways that show up in everyday life. So here's another way it shows up. You don't even try. And honestly, I hate that word try because most of the time it means I came up against an obstacle, it got hard, and I quit. Or you ask questions over and over and over again about how to do something, but you make zero effort to actually let the answer stick. Why? Because it was just handed to you. You didn't fight for it, you didn't wrestle through it. But listen, the best lessons in life are the ones you had to work for, the ones you had to figure out yourself. The those are the lessons that actually stick. So stop relying on everyone else to do the heavy lifting. Go figure it out. And for the love of all things, have you ever heard of Google? Use it. Now, don't get me wrong, do not be stubborn and so stubborn that you never ask for help. I've been there too. Ask for help, absolutely. But here's the key. Ask, learn the lesson, then let it stick, and then go teach it to somebody else. That's growth. That's how you break out of the cycle. So if helplessness is learned, that means freedom can be learned too. And this is where psychology and honestly, hope come in together. So, how do we break through free from this thing? Because the good news is you can. Psychology tells us the brain is like plastic. Neuroplasticity means your brain can literally rewire itself. Learned helplessness is not a life sentence. So here's how you start. Number one, awareness. Call it out. Say, this isn't me. This is conditioning. Number two, small wins, find them. Proof over perfection. One drawer cleaned, one coke swapped for water, one alarm clock obeyed. Each tiny win tells your brain, see, I can do this. Number three, environment. Get around people who reflect possibility, no limits. Energy is contagious. Number four, interrupt the script. When your brain says it won't matter, do it anyways because action breeds hope. And here's the science behind it. Every small action releases dopamine. It's your brain's way of saying, hey, that worked. Let's do it again. Over time, you rewire your brain from helplessness to possibility. And that is real transformation. And when you boil it all down, this isn't just about psychology. It's about personal responsibility too. So let me leave you with this battle cry. Helplessness is learned, which means power can be learned too. You are not broken, you are not stuck. You may have been conditioned to believe effort is pointless, but that conditioning can be unlearned. And if you are enabling someone else's helplessness, stop mistaking that for love. Real love is empowering someone to rise, not babysitting them in their stuckness. This is about freedom, and freedom requires responsibility every single time. So what does that look like for you right here, right now? Let's make it simple. Here's my challenge for you. Ask yourself today, honestly, am I living in learned helplessness or am I enabling it in someone else? Then take one small action step, just one. Don't overthink it. Set the alarm, drink the water, have the hard conversation, look the thing up on Google, figure it out, prove to yourself that you are not powerless. And if this hits home for you, share it with a friend who always says they're stuck. Let this be the conversation that sparks y'all's breakthrough together. And if it hit you personally, message me, tag me, tell me what small win you are claiming today. Because helplessness may be learned, but so is power. And it's time that you learned that too. So thank you for being here with me today. Keep speaking truth. Light always overcomes darkness. And remember, if no one has told you today, I believe in you. See you next time.