She Lost It
Welcome to She Lost It, the podcast for anyone ready to let go of what’s been weighing them down and step into a life they truly love. I’m Stefani—an accidental health coach, entrepreneur, mom, and someone who knows what it’s like to lose it all, start over, and come out stronger.
In this first episode, I’m sharing my story—the raw, real, and sometimes messy truth about how I went from drowning in anxiety, debt, food addiction, and people-pleasing to finally taking control of my life. But this podcast isn’t just about my journey—it’s about yours.
Each episode, I’ll share practical tips to help you break free from the patterns holding you back, whether it’s your mindset, your habits, or the stories you’ve been telling yourself. We’ll talk about what it takes to build grit, find your voice, and create a life that feels truly authentic.
Think of this as a conversation between friends—the kind where you leave feeling lighter, inspired, and ready to take action. So if you’re ready to lose what’s been keeping you stuck and gain a whole new perspective, hit play. Let’s do this together.
She Lost It
You Hold the Keys to Your Own Handcuffs: How To Stop Abandoning Yourself
Have you ever wondered what might happen if you stopped letting your excuses run the show and started turning up the volume on your self-worth? For years, my excuses screamed while my sense of value barely whispered. It's a pattern that keeps so many of us trapped, shrinking in rooms where we should shine and holding our tongues when we have something valuable to say.
Those familiar excuses don't always sound like "I can't." They're sneakier, disguising themselves as reasonable thoughts: "It's not the right time" or "I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable." But beneath these seemingly logical statements lies an unspoken belief that we're not worth disrupting others' comfort for our own growth. The truth? Excuses are just fear wearing sophisticated camouflage – fear of failing, being seen, or breaking out of the roles we've always played.
Breaking free begins with brutal honesty. That excuse about not having time? It's really saying "I'm afraid to take up space in my own life." Claiming you're not ready translates to "I don't trust myself to follow through." The day everything changed for me was when my attorney said words that broke me wide open: "You hold the keys to your own handcuffs." I realized I'd been sitting in a prison with open doors, waiting for permission to walk out, waiting to feel ready when deep down, I knew I never would. So I moved – scared and messy – and discovered that none of the catastrophic fears holding me hostage came true. Instead, I found peace, clarity, and myself. Your excuses will always offer comfort, but your self-worth will give you freedom. What one thing will you do today to prove to yourself that you matter? Share this episode with someone who needs to remove their own handcuffs and subscribe so you never miss a moment of empowerment.
Welcome to the she Lost it podcast. I'm Stefani, and this is a space for you to lose what's been holding you back. Talk about real growth, find courage and step into the life you were meant for. Okay, friend, welcome back. I have had this on my mind and I've just got to ask you something. Have you ever sat and wondered what would happen if you stopped letting your excuses run the show and started turning the volume up on your own self-worth? Because for way too long mine were flipped? Those excuses, they were really loud, constant, convincing, familiar. And my self-worth? She was barely there. She barely whispered. If you've been there or if you're there now, this episode is for you, so let's talk about it.
Stefani:Let's start with the excuses. Your excuses talk loud when you're disconnected from your self-worth. Your excuses they don't always sound like I can't. Sometimes they sound like it's just not the right time, or I'm not qualified, or I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable, or my favorite, I'll just deal with that later. And underneath all of this is an unspoken belief that says I'm not worth disrupting the comfort of everyone else for my own growth. Sound familiar.
Stefani:I used to shrink myself in rooms that I should have taken up space in. I held my tongue when I should have spoken up, I put off dreams, I stayed in toxic cycles and I let other people's opinions matter way more than my own. I wasn't lazy at all. I just didn't believe that I was worth showing up for differently. So I clung to my excuses like they were a suit of armor.
Stefani:And where do these excuses even come from? Right, let's be real Excuses. They're just fear in disguise. They're fear of failing, fear of being seen, fear of losing control for us, control freaks out there fear of disrupting the role that you've always played. They're disguised as protection, but they're also a cage and we tell ourselves we don't have time to chase that dream, or the energy to set that boundary, or the confidence to leave the relationship, or maybe the clarity to take the next step. But maybe we're just afraid of what would happen if we actually did it, if we actually moved. Because if we stop playing small, then what? Who are we without our excuses?
Stefani:I had to face that question and here's what I found on the other side. It definitely wasn't perfection, it was freedom. So how do you make your excuses quiet? How do you quiet those excuses that have been screaming at you for years. Well, it doesn't happen overnight, but it does happen the moment you decide to stop letting them boss you around. And here's what I did and what I still have to do daily because those old excuses they love to creep back in.
Stefani:So, number one I got brutally honest with myself. Excuses they feel safe because they've been rehearsed. They sound like logic, but they're often just fear dressed up in reasonable clothes. For example, saying I just don't have time is really saying I'm just afraid to take up space in my own life. Saying I'm not ready is really saying I don't trust myself to follow through. And this one's great Saying to yourself I just don't want to make anyone uncomfortable is really saying I am afraid of being rejected for stepping into my own growth, and that one stings. So I started catching those lies in real time, pausing and asking myself OK, wait a minute. What's really true here? And it turns out it wasn't about the calendar or feeling ready. It was about courage.
Stefani:Number two I stopped trying to earn my worth and this one is sneaky, because I'm a doer, a fixer, a performer. If I could hustle my way into feeling good enough to do something, I would have done it a long time ago, but I had to realize our worth. It's not based on how productive we are or how many people we're pleasing or how little space you take up. There is no badge for burnout. There is no trophy for being the most self-sacrificing woman in the room. You don't have to do more to be more. You just have to stop abandoning yourself every time someone else needs something.
Stefani:Number three I had to move before I felt ready. This is where everything shifted. I remember specifically, as an example, the day I decided to file for divorce. I was terrified. I was paralyzed. I had thought about this day over and over and over again. I wasn't just scared, I had full body fear. The what ifs were suffocating me. I wanted a guaranteed answer to all the what ifs. What if my son never speaks to me again? What if I fall flat on my face? What if I can't make it through this? I wanted to know the answer to every step before I even took it. I wanted the guarantee. And I'll never forget what my attorney said to me after I had kept asking her all of these questions. She said you hold the keys to your own handcuffs. And that phrase broke me wide open because I realized I had been sitting in a prison with the doors wide open, waiting for permission to walk out, waiting to feel ready, when deep down, I already knew I never would feel ready. So I moved. I moved scared, I moved messy. I moved without knowing what in the world was going to happen next. And from that day forward, I just kept moving, not because I was confident, but because I was done letting fear lead.
Stefani:And here's the part I need you to hear the most None of those horrific fears that I had actually came true. Was it hard? Absolutely. Did I cry, grieve, doubt myself and wonder if I was doing the right thing? Yes, but again, all those what ifs that were holding me hostage. None of them actually happened. But here's what did happen I found peace, I found clarity, I found healing, I found me. There's a beautiful life on the other side of your excuses, but you won't see it until you take the first step. Scared, unsure and still worthy. You don't need to feel ready, you just need to remember. You hold the keys to your own handcuffs.
Stefani:So let's talk about what it means to turn your self-worth all the way up, because that's what you got to do. It means choosing yourself, without waiting for everyone else to be okay with it. It means letting go of who you were supposed to be so you can become who you were meant to be. It means not apologizing for needing rest, for wanting more, for saying no. It means showing up to your life like it matters, because guess what it does, and so do you. And for me, yes, part of that meant taking care of my own health, because for years I numbed with food, with busyness, with I'm fine, and when I finally stopped pretending I didn't matter, everything started to shift.
Stefani:But this isn't just about weight, this is about your self-worth. So here's the challenge I want you to say this out loud to yourself today I am done letting my excuses lead because I am worth showing up for, and say it like you mean it. Say it to yourself in the mirror as many times as you need to, even if your voice shakes, even if you've never said it before, because the truth is your excuses, they will always offer you comfort, but your self-worth will give you freedom. So what's one thing you can do today to prove to yourself that you matter? Not to prove it to anyone else? Just you, send that text, take that walk, make the call, start the thing, whatever it is. Do it because your self-worth was never meant to whisper.
Stefani:So if this hits home, I want to hear from you. Message me, tag me, tell me what you're letting go of today and what you're choosing instead. Your excuses, they might still whisper, but from here on out, I hope your self-worth is louder and if this episode spoke to you, share it with a friend who needs to remove their own handcuffs too. And don't forget, hit the follow and subscribe button so you never miss an episode. So go out, be bold, be brave, and if no one has told you today, I believe in you. See you next time.
